.Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo advised men to stop marrying financially dependent women and warned against choosing partners who are “needy, hungry, and reliant… because it boosts your ego and helps you control women.”
At first glance, it sounds like relationship coaching. But the deeper tension is not about money. It’s about power and insecurity wearing the mask of “care.” Many men have been conditioned to define their worth in comparison — to be stronger than, provider for, controller of. When a woman appears financially or socially dependent, it feeds a narrative of unmatched authority. That is the ego’s quiet whisper beneath the surface: I am needed because I am above. But need is not love, and dependence is not partnership. The danger lies not in asking a partner to contribute, but in believing that someone must be lesser for you to feel greater.
This issue resonates because it exposes something uncomfortable about modern relationships: we talk about choice and equality, yet we still hold onto old hierarchies disguised as tradition or “standards.” The expectation that men must provide while women must be grateful can quietly trap both sides — one seeking validation, the other seeking acceptance. When the definition of partnership becomes who carries less responsibility rather than who grows together, we have sidelined the very essence of companionship.
What Okonkwo names as “boosting your ego” is really a deeper human fear: the fear of standing next to someone who equals you. Not someone who needs you, but someone who simply walks beside you. True partnership is not born from imbalance; it is built in the space where both people contribute, yet neither feels incomplete without the other.
If choosing a dependent partner makes you feel stronger, what are you really afraid of when you stand beside someone who does not need you?
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