“Don’t tell lies about a person because you’ve fallen out with them. It’s alright to tell the story, but just make sure you’re being honest about it” – Adaora Mbelu

 Adaora Mbelu, a director of a group of companies, shares how we can manage such scenario especially when talking to a third-party about them.

She wrote, 

Before I lay my head to rest, Here’s a lesson I’d like to share. One of my strengths is attacking the problem not the person. However, once in a while…I’ll vex and attack the person (only to the persons face though, never behind). Majority of the time, my Spirit Man is on duty sha. I digress. Each time my friends fight, I’m the middle man settling it and I always stay objective.
I’m the ref in “Adaora and Friends”. I’m usually the person that makes you see all the good about the other person, and helps you understand that this challenge you both have is a problem yes, but is not as a result of the person being bad. I am also the person who would speak well of someone who has spoken Evil of me. Especially in the context of what I’m being asked about the person. I have recommended people for work, even though we don’t speak.



I have fought tooth and nail to defend people (who I don’t speak with) in situations where they may not do the same for me. No matter how upset I am, I don’t believe in slandering a person. Again, understand this in context – I won’t recommend someone who is a thief, cheat, Lazy, to a friend who is looking to hire – thats just unfair. Also, I won’t say someone has an amazing character, if they don’t. That’s not what I mean. What I mean is this…. Always try to Be Objective.
Don’t tell lies about a person because you’ve fallen out with them. It’s alright to tell the story, but just make sure you’re being honest about it. Eg. They did this stupid thing, but they’re not a bad person. They just did the stupid thing.  Attack the problem. When you slander a person, you gain nothing. If anything, it is a projection of who you are. And this world is so tiny that people will meet them and draw their own conclusions and your analysis of them may not match. Attack the Problem, not the person.
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