'On Becoming' A new book by Toke Makinwa tells a lot about her life from childhood. @majeauida @anitahsolomon She talked about contemplating suicide, finding God, bleaching and more. Here are some excerpts from the book. On The Sex Tape and Bleaching; “At some point while we were dating, Maje had asked if he could tape us having sex. This was a new one for me but I would do anything to keep my man, or so I thought, and so I obliged. But I was nervous afterwards because I didn’t want the tape to get into the wrong hands…. I dragged the file back to his desktop, and I could tell from the stilled image in the video that the person in it was not me…. I clicked play and watched horrified as Maje had sex with Anita. Watching that video, all of the inadequacies I thought I had dealt with over the years came rushing back. I had been with Maje from when I was an immature teenager, through my twenties, and for most of those years, Anita had been the standard I had to live up to. I had lightened my skin at some point – Anita was half Lebanese and half Ibibio, and Maje made me feel like he preferred her lighter skin.” On Contemplating Suicide; I was sitting in the bedroom one day. There was a bottle of Dettol in the bathroom and a thought came, very strong, “Just drink it and die. What’s the point? The whole world is laughing at you right now. Just end it.” On Faith; The devil finds a way to fill your head with lies when you have just gone through a period. These lies can make you question everything, including the very purpose of your existence. Lies like: ‘You’re not good enough’ ‘This is the best thing that could have happened to you and now it’s falling apart’ ‘This will end you’ When this lies came, God’s word provided a much-needed comfort and a reminder of my identity and His plans for me.

'On Becoming' A new book by Toke Makinwa tells a lot about her life from childhood. @majeauida @anitahsolomon She talked about contemplating suicide, finding God, bleaching and more. Here are some excerpts from the book. On The Sex Tape and Bleaching; “At some point while we were dating, Maje had asked if he could tape us having sex. This was a new one for me but I would do anything to keep my man, or so I thought, and so I obliged. But I was nervous afterwards because I didn’t want the tape to get into the wrong hands…. I dragged the file back to his desktop, and I could tell from the stilled image in the video that the person in it was not me…. I clicked play and watched horrified as Maje had sex with Anita. Watching that video, all of the inadequacies I thought I had dealt with over the years came rushing back. I had been with Maje from when I was an immature teenager, through my twenties, and for most of those years, Anita had been the standard I had to live up to. I had lightened my skin at some point – Anita was half Lebanese and half Ibibio, and Maje made me feel like he preferred her lighter skin.” On Contemplating Suicide; I was sitting in the bedroom one day. There was a bottle of Dettol in the bathroom and a thought came, very strong, “Just drink it and die. What’s the point? The whole world is laughing at you right now. Just end it.” On Faith; The devil finds a way to fill your head with lies when you have just gone through a period. These lies can make you question everything, including the very purpose of your existence. Lies like: ‘You’re not good enough’ ‘This is the best thing that could have happened to you and now it’s falling apart’ ‘This will end you’ When this lies came, God’s word provided a much-needed comfort and a reminder of my identity and His plans for me.