We can’t judge a book by its cover. We already know this. That’s not the moral of this story. Women constantly seem to be competing against each other. The word “bitch” is thrown around and used as an adjective to describe anyone we don’t like. There seems to be an apparent need to elevate our self-esteem by bringing down other women who have done nothing personal against us or whom we haven’t even met. And truthfully, it completely sucks that women have found themselves pitting against each other, rather than lifting each other up. I don’t mean to generalize all women, because not every woman is catty towards one other. For instance, I have a friend who encourages me in all my endeavors, that never purposefully bring me down, who only offer constructive criticism when she see’s that I may be making poor choices, and from what I know, she never acts as though she’s jealous of my personal success.
As I sit and read the constant nasty comments that are left on my social networking sites from various women, whom of which I don’t know, all I can do is shake my head in shame.
I personally can never bring myself to write such nasty things about someone, especially someone I don’t know. Although these things don’t bother me, it makes me sad that instead of using the old saying taught by our parents, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” , most feel that since they’re entitled to an opinion it’s ok to say whatever. I honestly think some don’t know the true meaning of what an opinion is. I was going to take some of the screenshots I saved from my instagram and post on this blog but I don’t wanna encourage any more nasty comments being made towards each other, but it is very sad to see. You also have to realize that some of the things you say to others can be hurtful and some people aren’t strong enough to deal with the hatred.
It has ALWAYS amazed me that black women are each other’s biggest critics. We are the quickest to bring each other down, find each others faults and nit-pick at a sister until she has nothing left, nothing left to give, and then we step over her and call her worthless. We take the prettiest women and tear them down for ‘thinking they cute’ but turn around and dog the average sister because ‘she know she should take better care of herself than that.’ We call strong women bitches and accuse weaker women of riding somebody else’s coat tails. We tell a big sister to put down her burger and criticize a skinny woman for not picking one up. We ride the loud mouth woman for talking to darn much and torment the quiet woman for needing to take up for herself.
Our culture even encourages this behavior of women vs. women. Look at shows such as, The Bachelor, where 25 women are fighting for the love of a man they’ve never met. They will literally say and do anything to win his heart, even if it means spreading lies about other girls whom they simply feel threatened by. Or the Bad Girls Club, where a group of seven women live together who are shown at their meanest and nastiest moments, getting in physical fights with other women and showing who’s the “main bitch” of the house. I began asking around to see why women feel the need to constantly be nasty towards each other. Several different people responded with the same assessment: women compete with each other because of a deeply rooted insecurity about themselves. Instead of being happy for another woman, she showcases how truly jealous and insecure she is through her cattiness and by trying to prove that she is actually better than the woman she hates.
I have to wonder, since we all share a common thread (whether we want to admit it or not) is there something about ourselves that we don’t like? What has happened to us that we cannot seem to get along or unify to support one another? Everybody seems to be out for self while other groups unite against us. Nobody else has to bring us down because we trample on the spirits of each other daily.
Even if you live in a mini mansion, drive a luxury car, have good credit, rich, handsome, husband… this does not mean that should look down your nose at the woman with 4 kids, no husband, living in income-based housing struggling to keep her lights on. Money alone doesn’t make you happy (not true happiness), good credit doesn’t keep you satisfied, beauty doesn’t make you any less insecure, fame doesn’t make you less vulnerable or cause you to be a better judge of character.
Ladies we HAVE TO DO BETTER!!! I’m not suggesting that we all like each other and be phony, but that we all try to respect each other. You HAVE NO IDEA what the next woman is going through, you don’t know what past or current hurt and pains have shaped her into who she is today. If we would spend 1/3 of the time spent tearing each other down to build someone up, encourage someone, and show love, we could truly make a difference. PLEASE don’t be the straw that breaks another woman’s back. There is a woman out there that needs your smile, your hug, your support, and prayer.
BY SHENEKA ADAMS
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