4 years before the children came, were like hell for me - Bishop Azubuike Otuya's wife shares her waiting story

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Sunday Azubuike Otuya and his wife, Bishop Otuya have been married for 38 years and are blessed with 13 children and grandchildren.     In this interview with Vera Wisdom-Bassey, the couple shared their marriage experience. 

How has the 38 years of marital journey been?

Husband: It has been great, there is no perfect marriage, but with God all things are possible. We started as youths and are together till date. Sometimes  we have our ups and downs, but because we placed God first, everything is a success and we are grateful to God.

How did you meet her and at what point did you decide  she was to be your wife?

Husband: We met in Lagos. We were having our annual end -of -year party, a normal annual party hosted by our community in Lagos.  We are from Ukuala, Delta State, and at the end of the year, we have what we normally call, ‘Town’s Get -Together’ and we met at Orando Avenue in Surulere. Fortunately, that day I was the D. J . Actually, they were two cousins. Between the two of them, I said to myself, I had seen my wife. That was how it started.

What was the attraction?

Husband: Sometimes, people say there is nothing like love at first sight.  Sometimes we see beautiful women, but they are not what you really need. A woman who can take care of the home is what one needs, but I saw the qualities of a mother and a housewife in her within the few seconds I met her, which made me  conclude that she would be able to take care of my home, if I made her my wife.

Wife: Personally I would like to say that it is a marriage made in heaven because the Bible says: “As a man thinketh in his heart so he is”.  He was eyeing me and  I wasn’t  eyeing him, but the thing is that I love dancing, I love music, so he was the one in charge of music. So, it gave me the opportunity to go to him to tell him the type of music to play.  Aside that, he was someone well known in my place. He was always coming to the house. But this particular day when I saw him in our compound, after the party I ran to him, because he was really good to me and my cousin at the party.  I called him uncle and I went and hugged him and he lifted me, and I announced that our brother has come. It was my elder brother who whispered to me and said, “Foolish girl, they have come to marry you”. When he said that I did not believe him, until I saw him and his entourage ask for my hand in marriage. I liked him and I didn’t say no.

Do you still dance even as a grandmother?

Husband: You cannot take that away from me. Even before this interview, I had been dancing at home. We now dance for God.

Wife: There is something we love doing in our family, which has become  a family tradition even in the early years of our marriage. Ten years after, we just put on music and we danced with our children and till date we have our house party with the kids.  I just love that. Today, most of our children are into music and the dancing continues.

How did you propose to her?

Husband: We are from Delta State and we have our culture. First, we met and talked briefly. She didn’t have a say, but her parents did. We were still young then. We had to meet the mum first, because if you want to get married to a lady you have to meet the mother of the girl.

Husband: Yes, that was the tradition. So, the woman will call the husband later and tell him what the people came for. The mother gives her consent first, not the other way round, because if the mother says no, the man will not force her.  If you want to get a wife, it is easier to go through the mum, that was how it was done. 

Was there any opposition from your  family?

Husband: There is nowhere in the world where out of 12, you would not have one Judas. One of my aunts objected to the marriage, because, she said, my father had  chosen a girl for me to marry, when he was alive. But I refused. I told her that I never dictated to my father on who to get married to. Again, he was not alive today to dictate to me, and even if he was, he would not have forced me to get married to somebody I did not love.

She fought, but the majority carried the vote.

How did you feel when he proposed to you?

Wife: As I said earlier, when something is of God there is no resistance. First, I was happy. Then I wasn’t all that mature, as a woman to tell the way I felt, I just knew it was something I had to do and that was it.

Any resistance from your family since you were so young?

Wife: No one resisted, because ours was a close-knit family.  I just want to simply say, it was God. 

How was early married life like?

Wife: I was ignorant and as I said, when God is there, He helps you to overcome any challenge. I did some silly things I shouldn’t do. I did not know how to cook well, or how to do basic things. I wasn’t prepared.  That has been the core of my ministry, to look at my lapses when I was a young married woman to see how I can help young girls to bridge that gap. I made a lot of mistakes and I learnt from them to become who I am today.

Were you working when you got married?

Wife: No, I wasn’t working.

So, how did you prepare for the financial challenges?

Wife: We had our customs and beliefs. He had a fairly steady job that sustained us. We didn’t have children until about four years after marriage.  So we won’t say we lacked basic things. It was just two of us and we were comfortable, but when we started having children the economy got bad.

The children didn’t come until four years after marriage. How did you feel during that period?

Wife: I would not pray for my enemy to go through what I went through. From my husband’s side, there was pressure, and negative thinking. Some said I felt I was beautiful, while some said I might have tampered with my womb and things like that.  It was really hell, until four years after, God  smiled  on us and we had our first child. Before then, it was war. At a point there was pressure for him to send me packing, but as God would have it, we are still together today.

Husband: Yes, the pressure was there. If you love someone and you put your trust in the Lord, no amount of pressure would break your resolve. It is a man’s world, but it takes two to tango. Marriage as far as I see it, is not a one-man show, not because you are a man and it must go your way all the time, no. There must be an understanding between two people, because these are two persons coming from different backgrounds.  The way I was brought up was not the way the woman was brought up, so, it takes two to start learning and understanding each other.  It is not something you build overnight, it takes time, even till now, we have been  up for sometime, but we’ve tried to learn from each other and make it work.  Did You Enjoy this post? DROP A C.O.M.M.E.N.T ... spill TEA.... Easy on Shade #jaiyeorie