“I Want Girls To Reject Likeablity” – Chimamanda Adichie

image: Stephen Voss for the Guardian

Chimamanda Adichie said:
“Then it was a very striking moment for me and I’ve never forgotten it. Because its not to say that I haven’t observed  before the ways in which the world doesn’t extend the same practices to girls as it does to boys. I remember thinking I’m so angry that I can’t be what I want to be because I’m a girl.”
In an interview at the Women in the World Summit in New York City, Chimamanda shared her thoughts on the new wave of feminism – even in the Trump era.
 

On rejecting likeability

There’s a terrible, dangerous, cultural mindset that says to women, ‘You need to be liked.’ I think it’s nice to be liked, we all like to be liked, even men, everybody. But it is women who are raised with that and we internalize it and so it ships everything we do. The same reason I think many women who are truly assaulted sometimes hold back from speaking out, women who are in positions that they find difficult and uncomfortable but they are still worried about the likeability, they are still worried about “how can I tell this subordinate that he or she isn’t doing something right but still be liked?” And I’m just thinking, just be yourself and do your job, somebody is going to like you.
 

On what feminism lite is

Feminism lite is the idea of conditional female equality. It’s the idea that you are not equal to a man but a man has to treat you nicely. But for me, it’s deeply dehumanizing because it suggests that a woman’s well being depends on the benevolence of a man and I think in some ways  its even more dangerous than simply not being a feminist.

I’m really tired of men being thanked for things they should do anyway.

 

Change the way we think about masculinity

We need to deconstruct the way we think about masculinity and femininity. Feminism is for men, too. Masculinity is also a cage that limits men — what if we raised them to think of masculinity as very different? What if we raised them to be ashamed of macho behaviour?”
 

Teach your kids to stand up and fight

Feminism cannot be a passive identity. It has to be something we stand up and fight for.
 

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